


Lost

by ImagineYourself



Series: The Cage [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dreams, Goodbyes, Hallucifer, M/M, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-09
Updated: 2013-06-09
Packaged: 2017-12-14 11:51:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineYourself/pseuds/ImagineYourself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's lost, drowning in madness until Cas takes it all away, and he can finally sleep peacefully.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long journey, but the end is finally here. I know some of you will be disappointed, but it's not a happy ending. From the start of this story, it was never going to be a happy ending. Anyway, I hope you at least have enjoyed it! So here it is, the finale, the end, the take-a-bow-and-let-the-curtain-fall. All my love to those who have followed this through and given me their tears and compliments!
> 
> EDIT: Haha nope there's more. But it's happy. I'm revamping this series just a bit.

Sam was torn.

He was sick, so very sick, and he hadn’t slept in days. This damn Lucifer just would not leave him alone for even a second. He wanted more than anything to just punch him in the jaw and stuff a gag in his horrible mouth.

But then, this was _Lucifer_. And even though he had accepted that this wasn’t _his_ Lucifer, it was still Lucifer the angel, and to a certain degree… well, having him around gave a small comfort to Sam. It made him remember what really happened with him and the angel in the cage.

Sometimes, though, sometimes he almost believed this Lucifer. He would almost think, maybe it really was all fake. It was all a lie. Everything was a lie. But Dean was still beside him, and he knew that here, in the real world, with Leviathan and monsters, and every other bit of crazy, dangerous shit, it was all in his head.

That didn’t make him sleep any better.

And then he was running.

Run. Just run. Keep moving.

The dementia was setting in, and a distant part of his brain recognized that, but for the most part, Sam was just _scared._ He was _tired_. And sleep deprivation? Well, wasn’t that just a godsend from the nightmares that turned each and every wakeful hour into a nightmare in itself. And he couldn’t escape that either.

Lucifer was everywhere. He was there, all the time. Sam ran from him, but it was useless. And then, when he was hit by that car, he wasn’t even given the respite of unconsciousness from the pain of it all. No, he was wide awake, through every moment. Every flash of pain, every yell and whisper from Lucifer, every popper thrown on the floor and every maleficent smirk that the devil gave him. He was barely given a moment when that demon strapped him down for the electric shock “therapy” just to see that it was in fact a demon, before Lucifer took his place and once again replaced every face and every aching breath that Sam attempted to gulp down.

It felt like he was in Sam’s very veins, and while he’d felt that way before, in the cage, with _his_ Lucifer, this was completely different. This was the most unpleasant thing that Sam had ever the misfortune to deal with. All the broken bones and cuts and bruises he’d had to deal with over the years of being a hunter… This was worse. This was so much worse.

Even when Cas was there, he didn’t know it. It was just Lucifer. Everything was Lucifer. There was nothing but Lucifer.

Then it was gone.

And there was Cas, and Dean, and—

And no Lucifer.

No Lucifer.

Gone. Gone. He was gone.

Finally.

Relief filled his veins and his lungs, took away the pain in his ribs. It pushed and pulled and crowded into his body like nothing else on earth mattered but that pure, beautiful relief. Even his worry about leaving Cas there was drowned out by the relief. There would be time for that later. Right then, there was that cool relief, Dean, a piece of shit car, and a hundred hours for him to just _sleep_.

So he slept.

Blissful sleep overcame the echo of the madness, the memories, the fear and the restlessness. He was not plagued with nightmares. He did not see the falsettos of torture and pain and a horribly twisted _wrong_ Lucifer that was simply created from the tweaks in Sam’s memory that Death created to save him from the heartbreak of leaving his angel. Fat lot of good that had done… but Sam refused to think about that. Not when there was sleep to be had, dreams to be seen, a mind and a body to be restored.

So he dreamed.

And he said goodbye.

. . . . .

_The angel stood at the edge of the cage, looking down upon Hell. It was a view that Sam knew well. They had been there for many years, sitting contently at each other’s side and trying to ignore the screams with their own laughter. Sam had been happy. He’d been in Hell. But he’d been happy for once in his life. But now… Things were different. He was out. His angel was not. Nor would he ever be._

_“Lucifer?” he called out quietly._

_The fallen angel turned to look at him and a smile broke his features. “Miss me, Sam?” His face was so familiar, his smile to sincere, and when he held out his arms in such a small but loving gesture, Sam almost had no choice but to move to him and welcome the embrace of his lover._

_“This… This is a dream, isn’t it?” Sam asked warily when they broke apart slightly._

_Lucifer looked sad for a moment. “Yeah, it is. It’s your head telling you that you need to say goodbye. For good this time. From me, and that other bastard me from your damaged memories.”_

_“Cas took him away…”_

_“And that means he’s taking me, too.”_

_“Will I still remember you?”_

_“Bits and pieces, probably. What I had Death do to you… it warped your true memories, the ones he left untouched, and now there’s not a whole lot left up here.” As he spoke, Lucifer caressed the back of the hunter’s head, poking him on the forehead with his other hand on his last word. “At least you won’t be crazy anymore, yeah?”_

_“Yeah, I guess.”_

_“Don’t look so glum, kid.”_

_“How can I not? It was hard enough leaving you behind the first time.”_

_“You’re not really leaving me, though, this time. I’ll still be with you.” He moved a hand to cover Sam’s heart. “While this is a completely chick-flick move, I’ll still be with you. Remember, you said you’d never really forget me? You haven’t as of yet.”_

_“And I won’t.”_

_“See? Just remember me as I am. Forget that other guy, he wasn’t me. He wasn’t nearly as sexy.”_

_“I know.”_

_“You doubted it sometimes.”_

_Sam flinched. “Yeah, but—”_

_“You don’t have to defend yourself. I probably would have too if I’d been in your shoes. You did nothing wrong, so stop beating yourself up about it.”_

_“I’m not—”_

_“Sam, I know how your mind works. I’ve been inside you.” Lucifer waggled his brows. “In more ways than one.”_

_Sam couldn’t help the choked laugh that left his throat. He bowed his head slightly, but Lucifer’s fingers forced his chin up again, meeting his eyes before planting a kiss on his mouth. It was a gentle kiss, one that didn’t need to be rushed. It was a dream, and Sam wanted to dream about the man he loved most, and most of all, he didn’t want to rush it. So they kissed, softly, lovingly, until Sam finally pulled away just a little, just to look at Lucifer, memorize the face that he already had burned into his very soul. Almost literally. The angel was the first to move. He pulled Sam by the hand towards the edge, where they both sat, feet hanging over as they leaned into each other._

_Sam spoke first after a long moment. “If this is my dream, can’t I make us be somewhere like Hawaii, or Oregon?”_

_“I suppose you could, but since we were never there together, it might be hard to transfer the memory of me there.”_

_“Right.” Sam sighed. This was just a memory. Well, a memory-dream._

_“Hey, Sam?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“You should sleep.”_

_“I am sleeping.”_

_“Your body is, but your mind isn’t.”_

_“How do I make my mind sleep?”_

_Lucifer was quiet for a moment, and when Sam glanced at him, he was smiling. “Come here.” He lay back, stretching out an arm so that Sam could lie at his side. They were quiet for a long time, just looking up into the black abyss above them. Sam could feel himself drifting off, floating away, tendrils of sleep within the dream dragging at him._

_He was brought back for just a moment as Lucifer whispered into the top of his head, “Even though I’m not with you, never forget me. Live your life, save the world again, but remember me.”_

_. . . . ._

Sam woke slowly, his cheek pressed against the window in the current shitty car they were inhabiting. They were stopped at a gas station and after he yawned and ran a tired hand through his shaggy hair, he saw his brother heading back towards him from the little store.

“Hey, you’re up,” Dean said, leaning in through the open driver’s window. “Good timing, it’s your turn to drive.”

Sam groaned and Dean gave him a momentary grin, patting the door before heading around to the passenger side as Sam got out and stretched. “How long have I been out?”

“About ten hours. How you feeling?”

“Like I need ten more hours.” He fought another yawn and accepted the water bottle that Dean handed him when he was finally settled in the driver’s seat.

“We’ll stop in a few hours for a motel.” Dean shoved a piece of pie into his mouth unattractively. “So, dream about anything nice during your beauty rest?” he asked a little later, apparently in the mood for conversation though he was looking ready to fall asleep.

Sam thought for a minute. He didn’t remember much about his dream. Just glimpses of hellfire and Lucifer drifting around. He could vaguely remember Lucifer’s voice saying something to him… “Yeah. I did actually,” he muttered with a faint smile.

“That’s a good sign,” Dean mused, crossing his arms and leaning his head against his door.

“Yeah…” He opened his mouth to say something else, but one glance at Dean said that his brother was already down for the count. Sam sighed and stared ahead, hands lightly gripping the wheel. And just as the years had passed him by in Hell, so did the miles as the day turned to night. But all Sam had now were fading memories and an inexplicable emptiness inside of him.


End file.
